Home Sweet Home

I am so happy right now ... I don't have anything bad to say about anyone. Except maybe, my friends husband, Allen AKA "The Raytown Wonderfuck"
He just chaps my ass...

I will give reasons later, it is 2:15 in the morning and I need to go to bed.
We had a great night, tonight, went to O'Dowds and had some Boulevard Pale Ale, that 's good stuff Maynard!!!

Shalom!

These are a few of my least favorite things

This is in no particular order and I am in a mood today so the golden rule still stands.... Don't comment on your opinions b/c I don't care!

1 - The Outback Steakhouse commercials - Here's an idea, get an actor who can actually fake an Australian accent. I'll do you one even better, get an Australian actor to do the commercial. How bout the fag hag Nicole Kidman?? She hasn't acted in some time, throw her a fifty $ bill and a steak and I'm sure she would do it, the bitch hasn't eaten since fall of '05

2 - Bumper Stickers - What the hell makes you think that I want to read a sticker that you have on the back of your 85 Escort hatchback???? I stopped playing with stickers in the fourth grade, I don't care what your political affiliation is or that your kid is great and on the honor roll. I am now more stupid b/c I took the 7 seconds out of my life to read the back of your ride. Here's an idea..... Shut the F^&k up!!!

3 - Bike Riders - Get the hell off the road, it is not your area! My car is bigger and it can crush every bone in your body so get the hell out of my way. Oh yeah - and take that faggoty outfit off, you are not in the Ironman you are on Germantown Pkwy at 8:00 in the morning while I am trying to get to work. You liberal jack ass!!!

4 - American Idol Fans - 64 million people voted on Tuesday to declare the winner of AI. Way to go America, you F'in retards! No wonder the rest of the world hates us!! More people voted for the winner of that lame ass show than for President of the United States. Instead of watching that show how about turnin on a little CNN, FOXnews or MSNBC?? Why not learn something instead of filling your brains with utter nonsense???

I am done, everyone have a splendid day

Not that there's anything wrong with that....

I watched Brokeback Mountain last night and I am VERY conflicted! I don't even know where to begin or what too say. The only thing that I really know to say is.... EEEWWWW!!!!.
Even the dog got up and walked out of the room during the "love scene". What the Fuck people, I don't like to watch that graphic of a love scene with heterosexuals much less, two boys.

Drew was at a dinner meeting last night and I told him that I was going to rent the movie, his only comment was that it would need to be turned off b4 he got home. I am truly at a loss for words.... and that is huge if you know me!!!!

I, am a trainwreck!

I burned part of my eyebrow off today trying to light a cigarette... I think that I may need to quit. Not for the obvious reasons, like lung cancer, but for more immediate reasons such as this. I am going to look like a jack ass for the next month and I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm pretty sure I can fix it... I will go home tonight and try to even out the other side. I will keep you posted. Wish me luck.

Shout out to the KC Crew

This Thursday we are leaving to go to KC (duh), I am super psyched about the whole thing!! We are going to have so much fun!!! I am going to be taking my Digital Camera so there will be lots of pics. We are going up there b/c our good buddy Michele & Big Al are having a party on Sunday. We have not seen these guys since my 29th birthday party and that was in March, so we are long overdue...

In other news, I am sending Drew's birthday invitations today and it is a Fiesta Mexican theme. !!!!Merengue!!!!

I saw the Da Vinci Code on Friday with my buddies Meg and Michael and the only thing that I have to say about the movie is this, Tom Hanks has a gigantically enormous head. I am not kidding it is gigantic!

Adventures in Babysitting & other nonsense...

So - I am babysitting my buddies kids this evening while he gets good and sloppy drunk downtown and barbecues. I have been at the house for about 15 minutes and so far the dog has knocked me down. I am waiting on the kids to get home from school. I will keep you posted.

In other news, my crazy friend Michele just informed me, via email, that she will have Tequilla for us next weekend. Let me get somethin straight with you, Michele, I am NOT drinking Tequilla. It is the devils drink and I don't want any part of it!!! I am refusing right now to partake in any of this Tequilla nonsense and you cannot make me drink any!!!! Now, if you want to pick up some Dr. McGilacutties (sp) than I would be fine with that. BUT NO TEQUILLA...

Anyway, I watched Capote last night and I was very dissapointed, not in the movie but, in the person that Truman Capote turned out to be. The movie for the most part was fantastic, it made me want to learn more about Capote and Lee's life.... I gotta go to the library.

Boring!!!!

We didn't do a whole lot this weekend and work is slow...so, there isn't much too say.

I did go to Subway for lunch and had an awesome Meatball and Mozarrella sub sandwich. I advise everyone to at least try it... you won't regret it.

Peace Out!!!!

Build it and they will come....

Drew and Gary were building the flooring last night for their tent in Memphis in May BBQ fest. Let me tell ya somethin', it was boring, they were actually working and would not pay any attention to me. Total crap I tell ya, so I stayed inside for the majority of the evening. That sure showed them!!! Anyway, they will be done tonight and than next week will pretty much be chaos, I am convinced that this little Memphis todo is simply a good excuse for the man to drink and stay downtown for an entire week.

In unrelated news I went to ADT Deep South yesterday and worked, it went well. Rick got me set up with one of his computers so that it can be my new "workstation" when I'm down there. I got a lot done so I was pretty impressed, Rick actually works when he says he is, so that may slow down my goof off time....

Not a whole lot going on today just work I had to set an appt for tomorrow at 9:00 and I am none too happy about the whole thing... Damn customers and they're wantin' to buy stuff.

I may need to rethink my mission to destroy MasterCard... they are a global powerhouse, and I am only one PISED customer in Memphis.

Top 10 Reasons to Hate Squirrels

http://www.deadsquirrel.com/top10.html.

Alright this has made my day bettter.. but I still hate MasterCard

The Wednesday Blahs

It is raining nastiness outside, I got hardly any sleep due to the Arctic winds that came through about 3:30 this morning and I noticed at the gas station that I was missing one of my credit cards. I am now on the phone with MasterCard and I am PISED. I have spoken with four people and they cannot explain how I have a $40 charge on my account. They have assured me that no one has used the card however they are simpy perplexed at the $40 on the card. First they told me that it was finance charges... how can I have a finance charge on my account when there isn't a balance, well that got me stuck on hold for three minutes.

I just hung up on them and I hate them!!!! I now have a new mission in life..... Destroy Mastercard!!!


On a happy note - we went out to happy hour last night and had a pretty good time, we were home early though and Drew let me stop and get McDonalds.
YEAH, yummy yummy in my tummy!!!!

David Blaine is a LOSER!!!

So, last night was the climax to the week long drama of Mr. Jack Ass in a fish bowl. "Drowned Alive". Surprise surprise he didn't make it. Who would have guessed??? Well, even though he was unable to hold his breath for the full nine minutes he did however not leave empty-handed.

Let's tell him what he's won, Vannah..

That's right, David you have won the gift that just keeps on giving... liver damage and let's not forget about the partial hand and foot paralysis.

So you see, it was worth it. Any longer and he may have won a Darwin Award for 2006. That would have made the parents' proud. You monumental moron!!!!!

Busy as a Bee

Ok - so this weekend we were busy busy busy...
Friday Night
We went down to Beale St. with Tim and Lisa Erni and Gary Cail and had a pretty good time. I had a better time than the rest of the group b/c Gary got me hooked on Purple People Eaters and they really pack a punch, but what's bad is that they taste like Purple Koolaid so you don't taste any of the alcohol. BAD I tell ya BAD.. Anyway this next paragraph is co-authored by none other than my good buddy Gary Cail.

If you weigh more than 500 lbs you should not, I repeat do not, wear silk capri pants and spaghetti strap shirts.

Holy Chit (yes, it is spelled incorrectly for a reason)

Bartt ( 2 t's) he was our very flamboyant waiter

Saturday
Drew and I installed the shutters this weekend. And by we I mean Drew; I supervised and cried like a fat kid with no cake when I had to get up on the ladder. We babysat our neighbors dog this weekend while they moved, and Annie had a ball. l I took a bunch of pictures so I will download them as soon as I get the chance. Ozzie got his tail shut in the door (Jane's fault not ours) and Sarge got stuck upstairs and Drew had to help him down. Funny stuff I tell ya, but pretty much a zoo as usual, at our house on the weekend

Sunday
Cleaned the house from top to bottom and Drew worked outside. I got a little carried away with the CLR and by 10pm last night was convinced beyond belief that I had, in fact, poisoned us.
I had to give Sarge back and I was PISED, but we simply cannot have 175 lbs of dog in the house, the hair alone would drive me nuts. Let's face it I'm close enough to that edge on any given day without the extra pressures of two dogs in one house to boot!

So now it's Monday and Meg (my good buddy) had to pick me up at the Saab dealership b/c Brenda decided she was going to be a Biatch today and not start. Born from jets.... my ass!!!!

Oh yeah - David "I'm a Jack Ass" Blaine is going to try and achieve his little stunt tonight. I will be watching... but only for research. Well, that and I want to watch him fail!

Peace out :*)

Weekend To Do Lists

My Dad and Stepmother were due to come down this weekend but I got a phone call last night from my Dad, saying that they were canceling. That pretty much bummed me out but little did I know, Drew had a back up plan.... dirt. We are having a ton of dirt (literally a ton) delivered on Saturday so that we can start landscaping the back and side yards. I am quite excited about this until I hear Drew use the word "We"... I am not sure if he was talking about a chipmunk that he had in his pocket or what but I will simply be his support staff in this little endeavor and will not pick up a shovel. I simply refuse! I have mowed the lawn once and I think that is quite enough. Maybe the Cail boys will want some cash and I can convince Drew to go that route... Something to think about b/c Saturday is right around the corner.

David Blaine is a Jack Ass

I first would like to say that this post will upset one of bestest buddies in the world and for that I am sorry, Wally, but it's true...

Alright, this idiot is going to "live" underwater for a week and after that week is over he will return to the fish tank and try to hold his breath for like 8 or 9 minutes, breaking the world record.

My question is this; Who the hell cares you freak? David, let's take a little trip down to the reality ranch....

1) We are at war spending millions upon millions of dollars daily, much less sending our children over there the whole time praying and hoping that they come back. Trying to convince oursleves that this, in fact, is not our generations version of Vietnam.

2) Gas prices are rising daily and many people our now being forced to carpool or take public transportation as a result of big daddy companies like Exxon making gluttons of themselves. Just a reminder to the folks out there that Greed is one the 7 deadly sins

3) This whole immigrant thing is just hacked me the hell off. If you are here illegally than leave, if you are here legally than learn the damn language!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with this world that all of this shit is going on and the only thing I have heard about the last two days is this spaz livin' underwater.

I DON'T CARE

p.s. - b4 anyone makes any comments about this entry let me tell ya somethin... don't waste your time, I don't care what your opinion is. If you want someone to read about your opinion than get your own blog!

Busy Busy Busy

Alright, now that I am back as a sales rep I have gotten used to the whole 4 or 5 hour work days and watching Gold Girls every morning on Lifetime. Well, let me tell ya the last two days have been without my favorite show and I have already put in 10 hours this week and it is Tuesday at 11:15. Hogwash simply Hogwash.... I cannot be expected to keep this regimen up for much longer a sales rep just doesn't have it in them to work 40 hours a week and still goof off.

Maybe tomorrow will go back to normal and I can lay around in my p.j.'s until I am damn good and ready to go to work....

When Chipmunks Attack

This morning I was being a good little wifey and walked my husband out to the car. Little did I know that I would be attacked by 6 ounces of fury only moments later... Minding my own business, a chipmunk from out of nowhere, comes running up the sidewalk towads me and stops cold about two feet from where I am standing. I cannot handle this much excitemet at 8 o'clock in the morning and scream like a second grade girl, scaring the bejesus out of my little furry attacker, he runs into the shrubbery and tries to ambush me from that side. Annie is in the house on high alert and Drew is laughing his head off in the truck, I decided to just go back to bed. Drew is now hell bent and hell bound on getting "rid of them". I am positive this does not include a miniature moving truck and a really cute outfit for the chipmunk to wear.